Listen, I'm not one to cut to the chase, but in the great speedup followed by the big slow down, you can sometimes feel your heart beating out of your chest. This is when you know. You know? Let's not get carried away. You briefly dip your head behind the curtain of the great stage of the Infinite, just long enough to come back smarter than you've ever been in your whole life, yet dealing with the crushing anxiety of knowing nothing. Don't stand there waiting for me to show up so you can ignite a great conflict more turbulent than the waters at the confluence of the Allegheny and Monongahela rivers that form the might Ohio river. I won't let that happen that easily. You're going to have to move around a bit more than that to look me angrily in the eyes. But, I hope you enjoy these fun facts about the mighty Ohio River:

• The Ohio River is 981 miles long, starting at the confluence of the Allegheny and the Monongahela Rivers in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, and ending in Cairo, Illinois, where it flows into the Mississippi River.
• The Ohio River flows through or borders six states: Illinois, Indiana, Kentucky, Ohio, Pennsylvania, and West Virginia. In addition, water from parts of New York, Virginia, North Carolina, Tennessee and Alabama drain into tributaries that empty into the Ohio.
• The Ohio River is the source of drinking water for more than three million people.
• Over 25 million people, almost 10% of the US population, live in the Ohio River Basin.
• There are 20 dams on the Ohio River, managed by the Army Corps of Engineers. The dams have greatly changed the flow of the river, creating a series of very slow moving pools, rather than a free flowing river. This makes the river muddier, which is harmful to benthic (bottom-dwelling) organisms. In addition, the Corps regularly dredges the river, disrupting wildlife and increasing turbidity.

In other words, have a happy new year and a prosperous 2016!

(Kelly Ripa and Bryan Cranston won't be dropping by to wrap up 2015.)