1- 100 days of nothing. 2- Can we get that Constitution out of the way? 3- Pakistan is in me and out of me. 4- Boston Racist? Uh YEAH. 5- Apple, I just don’t have enough devices. 6- My FB advice is don’t take FB advice.

1- I need a "Where’s my Carrier?" app. 2- Let's go back to the 50’s. 3- Segregation and secretarial pools. 4- No Latinos, no Muslims, and just a few commies. 5- Reefer Madness. 6- You don’t need the internet that you’re using to listen to this. 7- Yoga: Exercise for...

1- Don’t bomb Syria. Save it for me. 2- Real Presidents drop bombs. 3- Coming to a Holocaust Center near you. 4- United: You paid for a seat, the police beatings are free. 5- Supreme Court Justice thanks the Senate. Now we know who you are. 6- Obama forcing Trump...

1- UNC is #1! 2- School is like UBER, so you can’t go. 3- My bible says, "Go Nuclear." 4- I’ll hunt you in your sleep when it's safe. 5- In the long run, would you like to be shot, stabbed, or beaten? 6- No, Rachel, you’re not Nigerian either...

1- You sick people are not Making America Great. 2- I’ll investigate, if its ok with you, boss. 3- Hey, Tomi, turns out they hate women too. Who knew?! 4- No leggings except on supermodels. 5- Our bad service is better than your bad service. 6- Everything great in 7....

1- Can’t shake with little hands. 2- Treason? Don’t worry, I got a Supreme Court guy. 3- We’re moving on in. 4- I got a little Texas in me. 5- Artificial Intelligence is sexy.

1- Sorry about Trump... That’s False. 2- You’re Fired. 3– Captain Obvious. Hey, I’m in jail. 4- Get Out, King Kong. 5- Billion Dollar bracket. 6- Customer is king.

1- Trump behaved... 2- Well... for 2 days then Obama tapped something. 3- Who didn’t talk to Russia?! 4- Ben Carson: Now my day is ruined. 5- Repeal healthcare, my day is worse. 6- Burlington was nice. 7- In my country, Glock equals confidence. 8- Did I mention that asshole...

1- Great show I didn’t see. 2- Gary from Chicago is da man. 3- I wouldn't do dinner and neither will he. 4- You don’t agree. 5- What level is your racism? 6- I agree with W. 7- Shaqtin' a fool.

1- Everyone’s protesting, No one is listening. 2- You get what you vote for. 3- Sweden’s fake attack not covered by real news. 4- Don’t listen to my boss. 5- NBA protests against Defense. 6- Spring training, HOPE. 7- John Wick vs Jason Bourne